By DAILY NATION
I cannot tell whether female animals ever get orgasms.
But I know that other primates have sexual organs similar to humans, including a clitoris. Scientists have stimulated monkeys, and even a cow, in the lab and got them to climax, but that is different from a bull and cow mating for a minute.
That was my answer to Ruth and Samuel when they visited the sexology clinic and asked whether it was only human females who get orgasms in the animal kingdom.
“But I am a human sexologist, not a veterinary one, so feel free to consult further,” I added.
The couple had come to the clinic after a heated argument at home. Ruth blamed Samuel for her sexual dissatisfaction.
She said he was fond of stimulating her then rapidly ejaculating, leaving her unhappy. “But roosters run after hens and finish it in less than a minute, and bulls do the same,” Samuel interrupted. “It is the natural way and you should tune your body to it.”
Ruth, 27, and Samuel, 29, had been married for only two months. “Before we got married, we had sex twice but it was hurried and we felt guilty about it,” Ruth explained.
“I, therefore, took the premature ejaculation as a sign of the circumstances in which we had found ourselves. Little did I know that this would be the order of the day.”
I started asking them questions. You see, premature ejaculation has many causes, and a thorough medical examination to find the exact one is very important.
For one, hormonal problems can cause both erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation. Anxiety and depression can also lead to the problem.
More commonly, relationship issues are the cause. When this is the case, the man often feels disempowered and his ego is dented, which can manifest in his inability to delay ejaculation.
This might lead to fear of failure to perform, aggravating the situation. Most couples then automatically avoid sex to avoid the embarrassing and stressful situation.
“You know what, doctor, maybe we are not on the same wavelength,” Samuel interjected. “We are fine and we have no relationship problem. I think my wife is exaggerating the issue.”
To be clear, I defined premature ejaculation for them: “When one ejaculates before penetration or within three minutes of penetration, that is normally considered premature. In addition, if either the man or woman is distressed that the ejaculation happens too quickly, then the problem needs medical attention. It is important to note that, on average, penetrative sex takes five to seven minutes. It is also important to note that there are instances when a woman takes too long to climax and the man is normal, and this discordance can be misinterpreted as premature ejaculation.
“Samuel rarely lasts 30 seconds, which is frustrating,” Ruth said.
We all agreed that they had premature ejaculation. But their medical history, examinations and laboratory tests showed no medical causes of the problem.
And neither did a psychological assessment. A detailed assessment of their relationship showed that it was healthy.
The couple understood each other well, had no power struggles, and communicated effectively. No wonder their odd question as to whether hens and cows get orgasms!
The last area assessed was the couple’s sex techniques. It turned out that they were both amateurs, having grown up in strictly religious families.
The only sexual experiences they had were the two quickies before they got married. Consequently, they were groping in the dark, with little knowledge of their sexuality.
Primary premature ejaculation occurs when a person is born with an abnormal sexual response.
Such a person loses control at a certain point during the initial stages of penetrative sex. As a result, they ejaculate against their will and that of their partner.
Generally, men will lose an erection after ejaculation, meaning that sex has to stop. The woman is left dissatisfied and frustrated.
“Wow, sounds serious!” Samuel exclaimed. “So, will I always be this way? And what will happen to my wife? Does witchcraft lead to such things, in your experience? My mum always warned us of an uncle who engaged in witchcraft.”
Samuel was getting distressed. He stared into the horizon, anxiety written on his face.
Ruth rubbed his shoulder gently, apparently unsure of how to handle the situation.
The good thing is that there is treatment for premature ejaculation. And Samuel qualified for medical treatment as well as sex coaching to improve his performance.
SEX DURING PREGNANCY
Ruth also needed coaching because both parties contribute to skilful sexual performance.
As always happens, the solutions to sex problems do not come in a day. It was three months before we fully treated Samuel.
“I have just missed my periods,” Ruth said during the last session, “and the pregnancy test is positive. So we will need your help with how to handle intimacy during pregnancy and following delivery.”
So as we ended treatment for premature ejaculation, we started coaching the couple on sex during pregnancy.